She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
