Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
