he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
