I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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