What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
