the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
