what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
