Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
