you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
