i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You are a genius and a whore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
