I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
