Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
