____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
