Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
