Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
