I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
