i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
