So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
