I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
