He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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