News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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