don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
