I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my being single is dangerous.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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