remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
one might say we're banned from that church
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will be naked everywhere
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
