by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
