There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
