Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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