ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
