im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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