someone get that fucking seahorse.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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