I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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