Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
