$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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