I bet he comes in French.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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