I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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