she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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