she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my being single is dangerous.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize