recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
