woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
