well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
COCAINE IS GR8
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
