your parents love me but you hate me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
