you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
