I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're a waste of cheezeits
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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