One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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