Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize