Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
