I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
