I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she smelled like a LAN party
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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