you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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