I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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