what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
