I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
