I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
