Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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