She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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