I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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