We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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