Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
