A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
