Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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