Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
