Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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