I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
