if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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