8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
