we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
