Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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