I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
