Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
