This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
