I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
