How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
